Well, I ran down Meredith with my car...

Michael Scott: Well, I ran down Meredith with my car.
Ryan Howard: Ooooohhhh, did you do this on purpose?
Michael Scott: No, I was being negligent. But she's in the hospital, she's fine, recovering nicely, tiny little crack in her pelvis, but she will be up and...
Ryan Howard: Did this happen on company property?
Michael Scott: It was on company property, with company property. So, double jeopardy, we're fine.
Ryan Howard: I don't think...I don't think you understand how double jeopardy works.
Michael Scott: Oh, I'm sorry. What is, 'We're fine?'

Sucking Up...

Michael Scott: It takes a big man to admit his mistake, and that's what I did. The important thing is I learned something: I don't want somebody sucking up to me because they think I am going to help their career...I want them sucking up to me because they genuinely love me.

A Valentins Day Gift...

Pam Beesly: OK, well, sometimes the gift is really about the gesture, you know, like, what it means instead of what it is.
Dwight Schrute: You mean...like a ham?
Pam Beesly: [pause] No, not like a ham. It's about doing something so that the person knows that you really care about her. That you remember her...
Dwight Schrute: OK, shut up! I know exactly what to do.

A Long Line of Fighters...

Dwight Schrute: I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew...World War II veteran. He killed twenty men and then spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. And my father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life...different kind of fight.

Dwight's Perfect Date...

Dwight Schrute: Let me describe the perfect date: I take her out to a nice dinner; she looks amazing. Some guy tries to hit on her...now he wants to fight, so I grab him, I throw him into the jukebox! Then the other ninja's got a knife, he comes at me, we grapple, I turn his knife on him. Blood on the dance floor! She's scared now. I take her home. I'm holding her in my arms. I reach in for a kiss...I hear something in the leaves, I flip her around, she gets a poison arrow right in her back. She was in on it the whole time...but I knew.

The Son of the Deposed King of Nigeria...

Toby Flenderson: Didn't you lose a lot of money on that other investment? The email thing?
Michael Scott: You know what Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help! His father ran the freaking country! Ok?

Cholesterol...

Dwight Schrute: Through simple concentration I can both raise and lower my cholesterol.
Pam Beesly: Why would you raise your cholesterol?
Dwight Schrute: So I can lower it.